Saturday, July 05, 2003
.::
Tired::.
I'm really tired
Emotionally
Physically
Mentally
No one seem to understand me
No one
I felt really tired deep inside
But i can't show
Because everyone elses were so happy
I pretended
I acted
I hopped around
I jumped around
I smiled
I laughed
When i actually don't feel that way
I made myself to forget
By making myself really tired
But everytime when i jumped
Deep inside my heart
I'm thinking
"This isn't the real me..What am i doing..I don't feel this happy..Why am i doing this..This happiness don't come from the deep inside me..Why am i doing this?"
I've always been asking myself all this
These questions swing and swim around in my mind
When i'm with people
I smiled and laughed..
But i didn't come deep from my heart
Because others laughed
That's why i laughed
I don't want to spoil the mood
When i laughed..when i smiled
Those questions came back to me
None of the feelings came deep from my heart
I'm just acted..pretended..
What's deep inside me?
All the fears
All the hurts
All the pains
All the sadness
My fears of losing friends
My fears of being alone
My hurts that yet to heal
Fear of getting hurts again
Pains whenever everyone ignored
Pains that yet to recover
Everything had yet to recover
But i'm now introduce to a new batch of people
I'm so afraid of losing them if i show black face around
I'm so afraid of being ignore by them
I'm so afraid to be hurt again
But have anyone try to understand me?
Everytime when i showed it
People always tell me this
"Why are you always to sad..Why are you always so depressed..Don't show black face.."
All these give me real high peer-pressure
And i found out
Everytime when i'm happy
Friends around me happy too
They wanted so much from me
They wanted to change me so much
But deep within me
All i want to someone who can talk to me
Someone who can always be by my side listening to me
Someone who can lent me their ears
Someone who can lent me their shoulder in times of comfort
But everytime
When i called
They gave me tone of voices sound bored
Sounded they don't wish to care
When i msged
They gave me replies that felt like they don't wish to care
Lots of them once given me promises
They'll be there for me when i needed them
But what actually happened when the times came?
No one seem to bother about me
I gave promises to people too
I kept it
I promised to them
Whenever you need me
I'll be there listening
Because i know how lonely is that when no one is there for you when you needed someone
But..
Where are they when i needed them
Every single one turned away
I once have someone who willing to be there
That's why i treasured her so much
But distance in between us got further apart
That was the real true friend i got
No one can ever be like her
Neither can anyone ever replace her
But sadly
She can't be there for me forever
The distance in between got further and further
What i really wanted
Someone that cares
Someone that willing to be there
Being depressed, but not alone
Being the real deep inside
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
7/05/2003 07:36:00 AM
.::Today::.
Didn't go for church
Was tired
Slept all the way
Oh!
I got my guestbook!
Hahaha
Must go tag tag!
Ha..
Today totally doing nothing
So boring
Was waiting for message around
But..
-Disappointed-
Sometime i wonder why
[He] somehow doesn't reply my SMS
Really sad sometime
I got really disappointed every morning
Because i don't see [his] reply
Oh..
What can i do
Everything is up to God
God to make every single decision
[Still waiting]
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
7/05/2003 06:14:00 AM
Friday, July 04, 2003
.::
Smile::.
Yesterday youth day
Went school with home clothings
Then had literature..english..maths..
Suppose to have telematch
But because it rained
Then we had science instead
Then got concert..
My gosh..
All sec 1s..=|
Have been waiting for the senior performance
But..
-Disapointed-
Then went cherlynn's house
Ate chocolate again
-Giggle-
Watch abit show
Then went shower
Met gabrielle and michelle
Then went orchard
Watched charlie's angel
So chio all!
-Laugh-
But [he] didn't come
-Sad-
The movie ended around 7 plus
Then met wyman..
Oh..
I was super hyper then
I didn't know why
Was jumping and jumping around
With my darling deborah
Hahaha
Raining outside
So we ran and jumped to taka
Oh well..
And somemore i'm wearing skirt
-Freak-
Then we met xiangling and company
We went mose burger
But was super crowded
Then we stood in front of MB for like 1 hr?!
Then zhaoyong came
We then went over to far east for dinner
Ate at LJS
By then
Only left
Grabrielle..Michelle..Rachel..Deborah..Cherlynn..Geraldine..Wyman..Zhaoyong..and me..
Wyman and zhaoyong was playing with my basketball hp chain
I was really mad then
My bao bei
How can they do that
Thank God
No scratches
Or they will get it
As usual
We ate till 9 plus
Then we went up to take neo print
Sadly..
Cherlynn had to leave
Cause her mother want her back by 10..
-Sad-
So 8 of us took together
The process was so funny!
Hahaha
Imagine 8 people in one machine
That was really bad
Haha
But few of them turn out nice
-Smile-
Then each of us got 2..=)
By then
It was already like 10 plus
So we went home
Then training was so crowded..
But still
We reached home safely
I reached home at like 10 plus to 11
I think my dad was..
Haha
You-know-what..
Was so so so tired
Slept
But was woke up by my mother
Ate supper
Oh yarh..
I didn't eat much during the dinner time
Didn't know why
So ate during supper..
Oh well
[Fat]
[It was so fun yesterday]
[Really so fun]
[Because you were there]
[So nice going out when you were there]
[Will there be another outing with you?]
[Because i'll definately miss you]
[*Xi*Huan*Ni*]
[*Hao*Xiang*Ni*]
[Note for Cherlynn]
*-* Dear..Are you angry? I'm sorry for yesterday's thing..forgive me will you..=) You looked glum yesterday's night when you were leaving..Are you angry because i didn't went with you..Cherlynn..i really sorry..Please cheer up.. *-*
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
7/04/2003 11:54:00 PM
Wednesday, July 02, 2003
.::
Without your love::.
I was so lonely until I met you babe
You were the reason and I wanted you to stay
Now it seems so long and you're back again
You were my first love you'll always be the one
You light my darkness and
You're brighter than the sun
I'm alive when you're in my world baby
I'd love to promise you my heart
I never want to be apart
Without your love without your love
My lonely soul is left behind
Just say you love me one more time
'Cos I would never last a day
I'd fade away
Without your love
Give me a reason and I'll be there for you
Give me a sweet smile
Just to make my dreams come true
'Cos you're everything
You're the song I sing
All the joy you bring to my world baby
I'd love to promise you my heart
I never want to be apart
Without your love without your love
My lonely soul is left behind
Just say you love me one more time
'Cos I would never last a day
I'd fade away
Without your love
And all of your happiness is mine
Just say you love me one more time
I couldn't last another day
I'd fade away
Without your love
[Without your love]
[A song that's so meaningful]
[It felt so real]
[Can you understand me?]
[Can you understand what i'm trying to say?]
[*Like*You*]
[*Miss*You*]
[Every single moment]
[I thought of you]
[It feel tired somehow]
[It felt hurting somehow]
[But i still hang on]
[Because i really like you]
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
7/02/2003 12:53:00 AM
Tuesday, July 01, 2003
"44 + 6 scars on my hand
It appeared on the 27th of june
44 + 6 cuts
The most cuts that i've ever done to myself
But i can say
It doesn't hurt at all
Because hurts in my heart are far too much compared to my hand
But that was on the 27th"
[Thoughts on the 27th of june]
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
7/01/2003 05:08:00 AM
.::
Smile::.
We met again
Thank God for today
My prayer came true
I'm really happy
Thank God
I really like you
Really like you
How are things going to develop?
I'm waiting
*God, thank You for today. I'm really happy. Everything that had happened, is thank to You. Lord, thank for being there whenever i need You. I really feel better. Thank You for giving me all these. Amen.*
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
7/01/2003 05:02:00 AM
.::
Smile::. .::
Happy::.
Today's school was quite okay
Cause it felt very short
As only 3 subjects today
Oh well!
Then wanqi, cherlynn and me went town
Met wyman
-smile-
Then went movie together
Watched bruce almighty
So funny okay?
[I got the power..]
Hahahaha
Then went breeks
So wyman needed to take his pay
[Oh, or is it?]
Well whatever
Then he treated us drinks
And i already said
"i don't want any"
He insisted..oh well
And i forget to tell him
I can't take coffee
Or i'll get stomachache
And he actually bought ice mocha
Oh oh oh..
So more it's like COLD??!!!
Then when i finished the drink
[Oh..i didn't finish..i threw 1/3 of the drink away..]
I felt so cold
Inside
But outside was warm
Then i was like shivering
Till now
Still shivering..
And feel sick now
Inside cold, and outside warm
I really can't take it
Maybe part of it was because of my class' air-con
Directly at me
So now..
I'm really still shivering
Have difficulties typing now also
I think i'm sick
[Oh i'm sick..]
Yarh
Then when we were about to go back
Wanqi right
You..*ahem*
You know what i'm trying to say
*Extra you*
Then went home
Still sick..
-Sick-
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
7/01/2003 04:58:00 AM
Monday, June 30, 2003
*Miss*You*
xiang ni xiang de xin hao tong
ni ming bai ma
ni le jie ma
wo hao xi huan ni
zhen de hao xi huan ni
dan que xi huan de hao xin ku
bu zhi dao ni xin li zen yang xiang
bu zhi dao xian zai ying gai zen yang zuo
wo zi neng deng
ye bu zi dao zai deng sen mo
jiu si zai deng
xin zheng de hao tong hao tong
hao tong hao tong...
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
6/30/2003 06:24:00 AM
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[I've met you]
[God brought you into my life]
[But are you one of the four?]
*If you can't view this
*Please change your encoding to "Chinese Simplified"
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
6/30/2003 01:44:00 AM
LOVE starts with a
SMILE , grows with a
KISS , and ends with a
TEAR .....
DON'T cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
Good
FRIENDS are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
You can only go as far as you push.
ACTIONS speak louder than words.
The
HARDEST thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
DON'T let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
LIFE'S SHORT. If you don't look around once in a while you might m! iss it.
A
BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover,
HARD TO FIND and
LUCKY TO HAVE.
Some people make the world
SPECIAL just by being in it.
BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us .....
When it
HURTS to look back, and you're
SCARED to look ahead, you can
look beside you and your
BEST FRIEND will be there.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP "NEVER" ENDS. Friends are FOREVER .....
Good friends are like
STARS You don't always see them,
but you know they are
ALWAYS THERE.
DON'T frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile .....
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the
person who made you cry?
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
Most people walk in and out of your life, but only
FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart.
AWESOME PRAYER :
May today there be peace within you.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
"I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
[Some meaningful things my friend sent to me]
[I'll just like to share with you guys]
[Read them, they are really nice]
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
6/30/2003 01:38:00 AM
Sunday, June 29, 2003
I miss [you]
When will we meet again?
Probably never
Time fades everything?
Maybe
But i wished
Time will never fade this
*Miss you*
*Miss you*
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
6/29/2003 05:05:00 AM
.::
Smile::.
Yesterday
Was senior teams matches
Well
Zhaoyong's group lost 3 matches [I think so]
The other group lost 2 and drew 1
But well done!
At least you guys won
Hahaha
Oh well
Then we cheered like crazy people
For SK and PL
Hahaha
Now then i understand
SK is very close with PL
Oh oh oh
Yarh!
I "liked" this guy in PL
Admired actually
Cute
Especially his eyes
But who can be cuter the [him]? [Haha~ oh well!]
His name is Sam i think
That's what Zhaoyong said
Well he's attached!! [Keep your mind off him!!!!]
Hahaha
Then we went don't know who house for dinner
BBQ !!!!
2 cars and 1 van there
Wah! The whole group is large know!
18 people i think
Oh oh oh
But i didn't eat much
Hungry but can't eat
Cause i felt like vomiting
So i ate very little only
But actually quite full
Hahaha..What a small stomach i have..
*Shake head*
Then we performed this dance
Wah! *Shake head*
I don't even know man!
And they pulled me up..
Malu malu!
After that
We went home
People who lived in Sengkeng took Sally's car
Then Grabrielle, Michelle, Zhaoyong, Me and this guy..[Don't know what's his name..]
Went with Mose's car
Was quite crowded
I pitied Mose's car
Always so crowded
Hahaha
Then that stupid Zhaoyong
Keep making funny sound and saying funny things
Hahaha
Then he and this guy left half way
After they left right
The whole car was so quite
Guys left and really no fun!
Hahaha
Yarh
Then Mose's sent me home safely..
No no no
He didn't send me home
He sent me to Yishun MRT station
Hahaha
Oh well
Today
Wore skirt
Can't believe myself!!
So uncomfortable
Hahaha
I don't like skirt!
Oh..but well!
Then met Huankai in the bus
Went for service
Was quite okay
At least understand something there
Oh well!
Then the lunch
After that
They sang in groups
First was Huankai and Steven
Not bad not bad
They sang "xiaowei"
But still
They got hitted by all the paper balls larh~
No choice
Then was Zhaoyong's group
The "westlife"..[AHEM!]
They sang coast to coast
Oh well
Got hit too!
Hahahaha
It was fun!
Then they got into some better song from other people
Then we got prayer
That ended the whole thing
The guys got soccer
But didn't watch
Because
Nothing for me to watch also
Hahahaha
I don't like soccer!
So went home
And slept till just now
My homework!!!
How??!!!
Haven't manage to do them yet
My gosh! Tomorrow i'll be dead meat
Afterwards i'll rush them out
-Smile-
Fun day isn't it?
SKMC is a nice church
-Smile-
[We've parted]
[I missed everything]
[Every single dinners]
[Every single trainings]
[Though sometimes i'm upset]
[But i missed everyone]
[People]
[Even though we part]
[We won't forget one another, will we?]
[We've had fun though the trainings, don't we?]
[So, let's put this memories deep inside]
[We'll never forget all the moments we spent together]
-
For you-
God brought me to meet [you]
And yes
I like [you]
Will [you] be like
her?
Who's just an illustration?
Will [you] be like
her?
Who'll hurt me so deep?
But still
No matter how hurting it's
I'll wait
Because i really like [you]
-Pray-
I pray for the day to arrive
I don't know when
But i believe
God controls this
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
6/29/2003 04:55:00 AM
