Saturday, May 24, 2003
[Lost][Hopeless][Tears]
i
give up on myself
she doesn't bothers at all
things are so
clear
but
she still treats as nothing
hurt
hurt again
deeper
and
deepest
every words
just like arrows piercing into my heart
my heart feels so nothing
broken into pieces that i can't feel it anymore
leading me to no where
pushing into an endless hole
she's capable of doing this
cold replies
she always gives
don't understand
don't wish to know
scars that appear again
again
because of the only
her
20 scars
but didn't hurt
because they are nothing
compared to my heart
is she going to know about these scars?
even if
she's to
it's not going to hurt her
it's not going to affect her
thank God
why create me in this world to suffer
why create me to give love and not getting any back
scars that will
never disappear
because they appear everytime
they contain so much memories
memories about
her never fade
never are they fading away from my heart
even if everything disappear
everything about her stays
stays right down in my heart
cry
but
nothing came out
how suffering it's
how much i wish to cry
to cry
everything out
but
i can't
because
nothing wants to come out
everything wish to stay inside
i'm
all alone
all alone
by myself
to suffer all these
anyone beside me to help
to console
to bring me out
no one
because the only one
doesn't bothers about me
doesn't knows what happened to me
i love her too much to forget
i love her too much to give up
cutting is the only thing i can do
and
20 cuts
meant nothing
but
her
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
5/24/2003 05:58:00 PM
[Nothing][Lost][Nobody][She]
i feel lost
i feel hopeless
i feel nothing
i'm too
afraid to face anyone
i'm too
scared to face
any of them
i felt hurted
hurted again
leading me to no where
every one of them
i'm escaping
i'm running away
all the
cold eyes
just like thousand arrows through my heart
do you people know
how hurt it is
do you people know
how pain it is
alright
i don't want to bother
i don't want to know
a single thing about
her
made me cry
made me sad
to turn away
when i need you
to brush me off
when i need you
to give cold-shoulder
when i need you
i don't know why
i don't understand why
why am i still in love with you
everyone asked me this
how will i know
i wish i know the answer
to lead me on
and to push me away later
it
hurts
lots
and lots
piercing through my heart
thousand of cuts
but
she never know
she never bothers to know
tears which almost came down
were forced back
i can't
cry anymore
not in front of my friends
not in front of them
please
don't lead me anymore further
i don't wish to lose any trust in
you
you don't bother
i know
i understand
then
why can't just leave me
alone
don't do anymore things to lead me on
because everything
you do
hurt
deeper
and
deeper
[Me][Netball][Photos][Her][All]
Taking netball photos today
reached school at 8am
riana was playing with a
dead lizard..
-__-||
scared the whole of us with it
screamed in front of the npcc
in front of
seniors
well
don't bother
went up hall
as usual
shortest among all
=(
they were changing position here and there
took the group photo
then the c division photo
then the b division
as usual
2 formal
and 1 fun
liyun and michelle did split
[omg!!]
then the whole sec 3 fell on michelle
so painful
stayed in school with dawn
till around 1 plus
playing "
icy tower"
fun fun fun
went bk
eat and eat
oh yah
some
blur queen missed one stop because she forgot to press the bell
so we had to walk
on the way
just realised that i need to pay for
8 photos
broke!!!
2 class
2 group
2 c division
2 b division
but never mind
it's okay
at bk
chatted and chatted and chatted
so cool
went home
so tired
slept in the train
was hoping to see
her
but
forget it..
[Birthday girl][Huimin]
Huimin's birthday today
well
happy birthday girl!
hopefully she did enjoy herself
she's was waiting for her friends in school
so pathetic long
whatever
all past already
didn't buy her any present
sorry
too broke
can't blame me!!
i didn't buy for lots of people also
not only her
didn't buy for..
jinger..
geokcheng..
bel..
so
i didn't do it on purpose!!!
just really too broke
well
happy birthday!
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
5/24/2003 01:59:00 AM
Friday, May 23, 2003
[Happy][Depressed]
i don't know
what kind of feeling i should have right now
i saw
her
playing
piano
early in the morning
the song
my
favourite
"
right here waiting for you"
but
another thought
she's leading me to
no where again
again
i'm afraid
i'm scared
is she going to tell me
or anyone going to tell me
she's going with another one again
i
hate it
i
don't like it
she always
leads me to no where
leads me to a place
where i'll feel happiness
then push me down some non-ending hole
what does
she really want
i don't know
she's really a picture
she's really just an illustration
but
she feels
real
i don't know
her
i don't
understand
she just
disappear
vanished
within seconds
in front of me
she's just an illustration
she's not real
tell me this
because
she's leading me
to no where
to nothing
again
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
5/23/2003 04:05:00 AM
Thursday, May 22, 2003
[Her]
someone
who
controlled my life
up and down
but
she's never here
she's never with me
is she a picture?
is she an illustration?
because i can't touch her
because i can't get any closer
but
she feel
real
definately
real
i hold back my tears
or should i say
i'm
acted too strong to drop down any
facing
her
her cold eyes
treating me like
nobody
nobody
am i invisible
do i actually exist
because
she treats me as
nothing
as really
nobody
i
love her
too much
i can't get off anymore
i fell in
deep
deeper
deepest
my heart felt so broken
feel so sour
never will it going to be mend back
she broke my heart
again and again
i don't understand why
i don't know why
she just want to treat me as nobody
she just want to treat me as nothing
she's so important
so
important in my life
everyday
even one second seeing
her
brighten up my life
everytime
she feels sad
or
she doesn't look well
my heart
broke
broken into
thousands pieces
millions pieces
but
she
never bothers to tell me
what happen to
her
never bothers to
i feel so
nothing
i feel so
hopeless
she meant so much
that everything
she does
affect the
whole day of mine
why do my heart feel so
pain
i missed
her
even if i see
her everyday
but
does
she even bother about my
existance?
she doesn't
she never
i looked at
her
but always got back
coldness looks
to me
she meant
everything
and
anything
please don't
don't give me anymore coldness
i can't take in anymore
i'm already walking towards
depression
i'm no more the me
i'm no more the jr that people know
anymore thing
anymore stress
i'll definately
collaspe
i'll
kill myself
i said it
believe me
one day
one day
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
5/22/2003 06:31:00 AM
Monday, May 19, 2003
[teary eyes]
first person
first friend
i've ever cried for
it's
you
i saw so many notes
so many entries
made my eyes
red and
teary
again and again
tears really can't stop dropping
even if i tried to force back
this time
is not for her
not for love
but for a
friend
i
treasure so much
i'm so afraid to
lose her
so afraid
but
someone
in
her life
had taken my place without even me noticing
till today
i realised
she doesn't need me anymore
because there are so much people who's willing to be with her
they are able to give her
more
than i do
i don't know what anymore
i don't wish to think
i wish my go back my past
i don't wish to stay in this moment
i don't wish to move on too
i
cried
writing these entries
even now
my eyes are
red
are
teary
you might think
i have no faith in this friendship
you might think
i don't treasure this
you might think
i've think too much
but
i can tell you something
i've never gave up in this friendship
but
i don't know whether i still have enough strength to maintain it
i really
very afraid to lose you
to lose a friend
that meant so much
"
no one can snatch me away from you, apart from her.."
you said this
i
believe
because you
never lied
but
people said that they can't lose you..
what can we do
what can i do
even my friends know
i rely lots on you
whenever i'm sad
i'm depressed
they will know
you are the only one who can brighten up my day
but what happen if i lose you
they will
no more see the bright part of me
steps to steps
i'm walking towards depression
i'm suffering from it
i'm thinking too much?
no, i'm not
i'll just saying what i
saw
what i
felt
after everything
i treasure you
i never wish to lose you
i don't wish things to turn out bad...
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
5/19/2003 06:29:00 AM
Sunday, May 18, 2003
[Sour]
sour
abit
a
little bit
want to know
really want to know
but
it doesn't really concern me
it really doesn't
maybe because my all feeling still didn't fade
there is still some left
remembered i once said
"
one part of me, will always be with you"
maybe is that part of me
with the feeling inside
i still care
i still do
but i don't dare to say
because we are not the same
because we are no more friend
i don't dare to ask anymore
because you will definately find me
irritating
but i want to know
though it doesn't concern me
but it concern
you
if you do read this
and you know i'm talking about you
tell me
the answer
if you are willing to
who is that person
you mention in your blog
well
i'm not forcing you
i'm not
if you are not willing to say
then
don't
i don't wish
another misunderstanding
i don't wish
[friend]
why
why do i feel so
pressurize
when i'm with you today
i
never have that feeling before
never
only today
i found it so difficult
to spend the day with you
i'm not meaning anthing negative
please don't get it wrong
i just wonder
why did all the closeness between us fade
why
we used to be so close
talked about anything under the sun
everything
but
i don't have this feeling today
i felt much more like a
stranger
i'm not blaming you
i'm not
i know
is because that you are not in good mood
but i'm very guilty
that
i'm not the one who can at least brighten up a few seconds of your day
i'm not the one
your friends are the one
the only thing i can do
is to try my best
to pull you away from any hurts
physical hurts
not mentally hurts
i'm
sorry
i can't do much
i really can't
i don't how to
because i don't know you deep?
maybe..perhaps..
compare with your friends
i felt more a
stranger
but please
please don't get this wrong
i'm not trying to mean anything
i'm just blaming myself
not being a friend that you need very much
just a friend that can be by your side when you are alone
but not a friend who cheer you up
i'm sorry
really sorry
and
i sensed
something
i sensed that
someone is trying to snatch you away from me
i don't know whether i got
enough strength to fight
i don't know
i
might just lose you
thinking too much am i?
but i do sense it...
[Her]
missed
her
far too much
want to msg
but nothing to say
i don't wish to make things
obvious anymore
because i don't wish to
lose again
i rather
she's still there
than
she leave again
every second
every moment
thinking of things
thinking of matter
that i can msg
her with
but
just simply can't think of one
so much i wish to msg
but i know
it'll end up
nothing
because
she treats me as
nobody
never will
she knows
all these
because
she doesn't care
can we get anymore closer
i never know
but i think we
never will
because we will
never
"
find your own love"
she once said that
but i never dare
after the last one
because i'll break friendship up
that's why
i
never dare to tell
her anymore
i don't wish to lose again
"
wait..you will find true love"
she said that before
but
how can i
when the
only one i love is
her
and when i know that
she's
not the one
how can i find
true love
ever
and
never
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
5/18/2003 08:29:00 AM
