Saturday, April 05, 2003
nt gonna carez abt anithing animore..
let nature take its course..
since..no one wan 2 listen 2 anithingz..
fine..wad make myself a fool..
tok abt otherz thingz..betta than toking abt tiz..
got scolded..got ignored..
y make myself suffer all tiz?
dreamt of
her juz now..
yup..
an unbelieveable
her..
she broke up wif her...
then thingz go on & on..
tiz kinda thingz wun happen in real life..
nv will it happen..
i believe in their luv 4 each otherz..
i believe in their will of keeping tt relationship..
i believe dey will...
juz bel..
where r u..
i need sumone 2 tok 2..
yah..reallie..
bcuz..everything is troubling me..
i dunnoe how 2 settle all tiz..
god save me..
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
4/05/2003 08:37:00 PM
nt understanding y..
i still carez..
i still wish tt u carez..
even if u noe u r gonna hurt me..
juz..carez..
juz at least..
2 sumthing 2 let me noe tt i'm still exist in urs life..
anithing..even if it's goin' 2 hurt..
i noe u've been here..
more than once todae..
but.u juz refuse 2 leave anithingz..
dun tink tt i dunnoe anithingz..
i noe..i do noe..
i reallie dunnoe how..
i haf been saying all e thingz tt hurt..
all e hurt frm u..
but..i reallie still hope..
i exist...
i reallie dunnoe abt all my feelingz..
so confused..so complicated...
is reallie nt sumthing tt i can describe thru' words..
i feel hurtz..
4 myself..sumhow 4 u...
i dunnoe...
i wish 2 blame everything on u..
but same time..
i can't bear 2 let u carry everythingz..
i wish tt u r able 2 experience wad i've been thru..
but..i'm nt worth it 4 u 2 experience all e hurtz..
reallie complicated feelings in me..
i dunnoe wad 2 say..
i dunnoe how 2 describe..
1 part of me wish 2 blame everything on u..
e other part of me dun bear 2 c u hurtz..
wad shld i do..
i juz dunnoe...& dun understand..
sumthing i've alwayz wish 2 ask u..
y haf u 2 cry 4 tiz?
y haf u 2 get hurtz frm tiz?
i'm suppose 2 b e one hurting..crying..
but y u..
y haf i 2 bring tiz into urs life..
mayb tt'z one thingz..
tt make me cried..
bcuz..all tiz..
is nt worth 4 all urs tears..all e hurts..
i juz can't bear 2 c u hurt..
c u cry..
but..u r e onliz..who can lessen down my painz..
lessening down my painz..
make u cry..make u hurt..
now..i reallie dunnoe wad 2 do..
can
sumone juz teach me..
i'm lost..
sumone juz lead me out of tiz darkness..
2 e lite..
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
4/05/2003 06:49:00 AM
Friday, April 04, 2003
when will everything juz stop..
when will all e coldness in me juz disappear..
when will all e tears nt dropping..
when will my wounds recover..
when will pplz stop giving my new wounds..
when will pplz stop rubbing salt on my wounds..
when will me stop cutting..
when will me stop getting hurt..
when will i juz 4get everything..
when will i juz get over..
when will everything juz end..
sumtimes..sumthings..sumhow...
we can't do anithingz..
sorry dun cure..
compared...
e amt of things i did..
e amt of carez i've given..
e amt of hurt i receive..
e amt of times i cried..
now..u tell me..
is there a real big diff frm wad u haf done?
plus..
e amt of wounds u haf added in my heart..
e amt of coldness i've ever get in my heart..
e amt of sourness..i got..
e amt of loneliness i've experience..
haf i too done enough?
same old qnz..
is tiz all worth it?
forcing 2 e extreme..
i can say..
i've done..
more than enough..
now u r juz telling me how much u haf experience...
if u ever dare 2 compare..
i've nv done so much b4..
4 ani one of em..
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
4/04/2003 08:15:00 PM
everything was so alrite..
until wed..
i noe..we shldn't haf sort out everythingz..
i ever wish i din...
bcuz..u force out all my tears againz...
after wed..
i noe..we can nv b e same..
neither can i ever b back e same..
bcuz..e hurting..e salt rubbing..e new wounds..
how can i b back e same..
all e tears came back againz..
everything which i kept in my past..
came back all againz..
all e cutting..
all e hurts..
all e tears..
all e wounds..
frm she & her..
except...dey r now nt frm em..
but u....
everything got even more deeper..
y haf pplz alwayz lyk 2 tell me tiz..
dey dun wish 2 lead me on..
onliz..when dey already started 2..
how..am i suppose 2 back out by then..
u told me e same old thing tt she said..
but..plz tink..
u guyz already leading me on..
& now u start saying tt u dun wish 2..
but u haf done it..
& u juz wan me 2 back out juz lyk tt..
i'm also humanz..
i've feelings..
i've tt amt of devotion in e relationship..
no way i can juz back off lyk tt..=|
when u guyz said tt..
is juz lyk saying..
"i poured e water out..now i wan 2 take it back.."
tell me..can u ever do tt??
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
4/04/2003 11:34:00 AM
"I'm sorry you feel this way. but I'm not going to take back anything I've said or done. Because I don't wish to lead you on...and I think I've care enough...take care"
"Read your blog. Am sorry you feel this way and I wish that i could lessen your pain somehow...but i don't regret anything i did. Because i don't want to lead you on. And I think that i've did enuff. Care enuff. Hurt enuff because of this. Cried enuff. Take care and I'm sorry I've hurt you...I really am."
Forcing me 2 e very extreme, tell me, how much more u expect frm me?
shivered in cold todae..
physically..mentally...
it was reallie cold todae..
it got even worst..
when i'm alone..
in e train..& bus..
tinking abt those words tt u haf said..
my heart got even colder..
tt feeling..
reallie make me..
juz wish lyk ending my life tt very moment..
cold & sour in my heart..
haf u 2 do tt 2 me?
everything was so alrite..
when i was in her hse..
juz after i receive urs msg..
everything...every feeling..
got so quiet..
cuz we dun wish 2 say much abt everythingz..
at least..
tt moment..
i've sumone by my side..
keep me laughing..& everythingz..
but everything change when i got alone..
in e train..e bus..at home..
almost cried..but fight back all e tears..
againz..wad haf u done 2 me..
forcing all my tears out & i tried my best 2 fight back..
i mentally got so tired..
tt i dun even bother 2 chat wif bel..thru e phone..
[u'll noe how terrible tiz thing get when u noe how much bel reallie meant..]
my eyes were so sore..& painz..
due 2 e lack of slp..& all e tears which i refused 2 let em out..
i dunnoe..how much more u expect..
but i can say..
tt'z nth more tt u can expect frm me..
cuz..one more step out..
i'll collapse..
totallie..i can't hold it animore..
but..i dun dare 2 keep still..
or..i'll lose u 4ever..
i'll nv get 2 noe..
wad is e feeling gonna b lyk..
wad am i goin' 2 do?
2 keep still..
such tt i lose u 4ever..
2 move a step..
such tt i collapse totally..
both way out..
i'll eventually collapse sumdaes..
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
4/04/2003 11:02:00 AM
Thursday, April 03, 2003
a qnz 2 u..
fight all e tears back..
juz bcuz i dun wish u 2 c..
acting so alrite..
juz bcuz i dun wish u 2 feel guilty..
doin' all tiz..
juz bcuz i dun wish u 2 feel bad for anithingz..
tell me..
now..
is it all worth it?
tiz 2 e extreme 4 me 2 ask tiz..
i've nv ask..
ani of em..
tiz qnz..
now tell me..
y haf u 2 make me ask tiz.
cuz..i feel..
everything i do..
u juz dun treasure it..
u juz treat as if..
tt'z wad i'm suppose 2 do..
lyk wad bel said..
human nature..
is wan tt person 2 lyk u more..
but..u dun lyk tt person..
but at least..
4 e last few..
i found everything i did..
is worth it..
is reallie 2 e extreme..
tt i'm asking tiz qnz..
is everything i do worth it?
do u ever treasure tt..
2 fight back all tearz..
2 act so alrite..
juz in front of u..
& onliz u..
i've ever did tiz..
everything tt used 2 b there..
every feeling tt i used 2 haf..
everything tt used 2 b so wonderful..
juz faded awayz..
bcuz u crushed em..
u've juz changed so much..
thank 4 all e hurtz..
thank 4 all e wounds..
thank 4 all e salt rubbing..
thank 4 nt letting my wounds heal..
i've regret of all tiz..
starting another 1 when everything hasn't heal..
i hate myself of nt being devoted..
2 anithingz..
i hate myself 4 being so silly..
tt i do all tiz thing 4 sumone tt i found it totallie nt worth it..
i'm back 2 my old self..
[thank 4 everything u've done 2 me]
[i'm ending my life..4 being so silly]
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
4/03/2003 07:30:00 PM
ermz..time 2 explain everything i tinkz..
yup..
i said all tt..
bcuz..i wish 2 get back all feelingz..
bcuz..i sudden feel..
it's all worth..
i sudden tink tt..
i shldn't gif up..so easily..
bcuz..i dun wish 2 break promise..
bcuz i wish 2 stay..
bcuz i lyk u..
nvm..now..u insist me of giving up..
i've no more choice..
i'm sorry i can't keep tt promise...
now..juz leave me alone..
dun force me 2 anz animore qnz..
dun force me 2 said animore thingz tt i shldn't say..
i told u last nite..
dun force me 2 said & anz all those thingz..
but u still did it..
cuz i noe..
everything gets back againz..
now..i'll make everything get back againz..
reallie back..2 e time tt i haven noe u..
2 e time tt i still lyk her..
juz except tt i dun lyk her animore..
i'll juz leave u alone..
i wun bother u animore..
i'll juz get back my own life..
now..juz leave me alone..
4 everythingz..dun ask me animore thingz..
all of tiz haf settled..
dun bother me animore..
juz let us jrs get back our own life..
fuck!
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
4/03/2003 07:12:00 AM
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
juz chatted wif her..
at least we r okay..
no more quarrels i hope..
i dunnoe wad 2 do..
2 settle all tiz..
i hate seeing everyone get upset..
bcuz..of sum toopid thingz between 3 of us..
haiz..=|
tiz world juz sux..wad'z tiz..haiz..=|
my leg painz againz..
left leg..
e part in between my hip & my thigh..
bone painz..or joint painz?
dunnoe larh..haiz..
juz pain pain pain..
is there anithing i can do?
cut of my leg..[she said tt..-__-||]
haiz..i hope i still can do sports manz..
or..i will kill myself 1st..
i luv bball so much..
now if anione 2 tell me tt i cann't do sport animore..
i'll kill tt person..!!!
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
4/02/2003 11:56:00 PM
chatted..4 such a long time..
wif bel..& jing..
i dunnoe wad kind of feeling i shld haf now..
but certainly nt sumthing nice..
fuck..i juz dun wish 2 carez animore..
wadever is tt..
everything faded..
everythingz..
my feelings..my everythingz..
get lost everyone..
dun get close 2 me animore..
nt animore..
no morez!!!!
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
4/02/2003 07:16:00 PM
wad shld i do..
wad can i do??
no idea..
perhapz..juz wait..
wait 4 her 2 admit..herself..=|
all i can do is..
wait..wait..& wait..
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
4/02/2003 04:26:00 AM
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
i hate myself of nt trusting u..
but..is u who gif me e feelingz..
so..who shld i hate..myself..
thank u bel..
4 chatting wif me yesterdayz..
u reallie brighten up my whole dayz..
frm morning till nite..
thank ya lotz..=)
we chatted 4 i thinkz..
1 or 2 hrz?
mayb more..
yup..she made me laugh & laugh..
she made me 4get everything tt i'm actuallie scared of..
thank againz..cuz..u manage 2 made me 4get abt e fear i haf in my heart..
i dunnoe wad i can do 4 u bel..
but..i'll keep tt promise..
i'll alwayz b wif u...=)
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
4/01/2003 08:00:00 PM
still cann't get over..
her..& tt person..
shldn't haf read all e letter..
i'm sorry..
juz cann't get over..=|
todae..tt person..
suddenly...
so nice..
i din noe how 2 react..
reallie..cuz..she dun used tt nice..
y sudden change?
i hate changes..
changes hurtz..
dun..dun ever change bcuz of anione..
but change..
bcuz of urself..
changes fade everythingz..=|
can u b trusted?
i'm very scared..
cuz..e moment u msg..
i found out sumthing very wrong..
u dun used 2 b lyk tiz..
tt moment..
i've already got a very bad feeling on it...
juz now..
my frenz told me..
u might b e one..
i got even more scared..
i scared tt u will reallie b e one..
i dun wish 2 suspect..
but..i've 2..
cuz..u juz changed..so much..
in such a short time..
tell me..
can u b trusted?
tell me..
u din do it..
plz..nt u..nv u..=|
i luv u..lyk u..so much..
tt i dun wish 2 had negative views on u..
i juz wish 2 noe..
is tt u who did it??
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
4/01/2003 06:08:00 AM
Sunday, March 30, 2003
yesterday....
i cried..
after reading all e letter she used 2 write 2 me..
tears juz came out..
u used 2 b so nice..
but everything changes..
after u r wif her..
i reallie..dunnoe y..
haf pplz 2 change so fast?
remember..
all e sms we used 2 msg each other..=|
all e trngs we used 2 haf..
i treasure all of em..
but..ever since then..
everythingz..
juz disappear within one nite..
juz bcuz of her..
& e
misunderstandings we had..
will we..
ever b back e same..
b back tt close??
i wan back e kind of trng we used 2 haf..
e amount of sms we used 2 msg..
e amount of sms exceed i used 2 haf..
can we ever get back..
i doubt so..
u haf her now..=|
is enough 4 u..
u'll b thinking..
trng me is juz a
waste of time..
remember wad u used 2 expect frm me?
getting in b div..
now..i doubt so..
i totallie gif up in netball..
for once..i gif up in bball..
but..
she got me back in e crt..
still..i still miz u..
sumtime..i wanted 2 msg u..
stare at my hp..4 so long..
at urs no..
juz tinking whether i shld..
but..in e end..
i decided nt..
cuz wad if u reply..
nth can b back e same..
cuz u haf no time 2 b waste on me..=|
seriously..wad if u r msging her..
i'm juz interrupting..=|
everything juz faded so fast...
i cann't believe it..
though..tt was reallie short..
but..i treasure..
tears still cum out..
whenever i tink abt it..
everything we used 2 haf..
everything we used 2 do..=|
but it juz disappear..
e moment she appear..=|
i reallie can't believe it..
e promise u used 2 make 2 me..
remember it?
i wish u do..
cuz..i hope..
no matter wad..
u wun break tt promise..
okay??
will we ever b back e same..
i've been asking tiz..
i noe..we will nv b..
back e same animore..
cuz..=|
u got her..wif u..in urs heart..
will u b reading tiz?
i doubt so..
cuz..u hardly even get online...
i'm sorry of wad i used 2 say 2 u..
i'm sorry of how i used 2 vent my anger on u..
can we get back e same??
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
3/30/2003 07:30:00 PM
blah blah blah..=|
wad e hell..
juz suddenly find out so mani pplz got blog..
but i din noe it..=|
wad r frenz 4..haiz..din even tell me..
[am i juz nth 2 everyone??]
haiz..
xin tong xin tong..
y lorh...
can't
she juz take care of
herself properly??
make
herself injure here injure therez..
dot dot dot..whole body also injure..
haiz..
she juz dunnoe how 2 take care of
herself..=|
then still..wanna do sport here & there..
she reallie wan 2 wait till got serious prob then stop meh..=|
cann't understand
her..
plz..larh..i beg u..
stop it lorh..=|
okay okay fine..
i'll stop here..=|
blah..
i miz her..so much..=|
yah larh..bel & u..
u noe who..
haiz..cann't juz simple get
her out of my bloody mind
damn damn damn..
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
3/30/2003 06:32:00 PM
