Saturday, March 22, 2003
how much...
how much..
haf 2 u 2 reallie hurt me?
do u noe how much hurt & wounds u haf cause inside my heart?
=| i reallie..cann't..get over u..
am i reallie out of urs life?
i dun wish 2..
i luv u..alotz..
but y...i always dun get back wad i shld?
ARGH...
how much i reallie need u..
u nv noe...
much much more than e other ones ever..
i can..live without em..
but nt u..
do u actuallie understand?
no..u dun...
cuz..in urs heart..
tt'z onliz
her
no more otherz...
juz lyk..in my heart...
tt'z onliz u..
no otherz..& no one can ever replace u..
i swearz..
how much..haf u 2 torture me thru urs entries?
oh my tian..i juz can't stop getting hurt frm u..
i tot..alwayz tot..u nv hurt..
but..in e end..u still does..
i'm reallie..-disappointed-
i dunnoe..i reallie tot..
u r e onez..bcuz..nvm..
i noe..u will nv noe..
how impt..how much...u r 2 me..
cuz..u can nv find tiz entry..
bcuz...u will nv get 2 c tiz entry..
even though..i wish u could c..
but..bcuz..i dun wish u 2 b suffocated..or stressed up.
so..i rather choose..nt 2...
-i'm sorry-
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
3/22/2003 04:46:00 AM
Friday, March 21, 2003
One poem tt describe my feeling 4
her..
-
I miss u..J-
[For all times I’ve been waiting for..
Waiting for words that suits me good...]
[For all times I’ve been thinking of,
All bout you..
Wondering if you do that too...]
[For times that've passed,
For times we've wasted.
For friends we've lost.
No matter what,
I'll never change.
I'll always be there,
When you need me.]
[Even when I’m feeling low,
I'll try my best to cheer you up,
To give you the best I’ve ever got.]
[I didn't know how to,
Express my love,
For you
I blame myself for not being courageous, enough.]
[I cherish the time we spend together
I think of you even when I’m busy
Sometimes you even appear in my dreams..
See how much I love you yet?]
[You know that I love you..
You just acted like nothing had happened..
It breaks my heart,
You know?
Know how hard it is?
To be ignored by a love ones?
You’ll never know...]
[Though i noe..u r nt ready..
But I didn't care..
You’re just like a sharp arrow that strikes through my heart]
[You're the girl,
Who holds the key,
The key that opens to my heart..]
[You’re the girl,
The only girl who is able to make control of my heart,
Fill your honey into my heart
And feel the beating against your chest,
Feel the speed of my heart..]
[Times and times I’ve tried
To whisper to, your ear..
Whispering,
Three soft little words
That’ll soothe your ear,
Just a simple " I love u "
But I couldn't say it out..
I stumble upon seeing you
Your,
Face and smile...]
[For now I’m gone,
I’ll start anew
To find someone else
Who is able to replace you..
Up till now still no one...]
[Some silent nights,
I’ll think of you
Reminisce the times we used have,]
[But nothing can
Keeps you away from my mind
You’re just like a flu virus striking anytime..]
[I miss the sound of your laughter.
I miss your voice.
I miss your look.
But I coulda remember you...
For my mind, pictures of you,
It has already,
Started to fade away...
Knowing that,
I'm kind of sad...
To be unable to remember you..]
[For now, I have yet found no one
Wonder if you had the same..
Perhaps someday, you'll understand
How deep my love is for you..]
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
3/21/2003 03:54:00 AM
Thursday, March 20, 2003
[sick][sick][sick]
ermz..no idea whether i'm doin' e rite thingy..
changing my blog webbie..
but..reallie..i dun wish 2 suffocate jing..
reallie..yah..
perhapz..i juz lyk her too much..
i dun wish her 2..
feel so bad..noe..yah..
yah yah..let me c wad 2 write..
ermz..wad happen yesterday & e dayz b4?
yah..so funnie..hahah..
i'm lyk practically crazy..haha
tt'z y..i'm so sick..haiz..
[e dayz b4..]
yah ermz..
suppose 2 so library wif chuling..
haha...but i went down half way & went back 2 sch..
2 meet my angel..
yah...
then...deciding where 2 go larh..
we went across 1st mah..
yah..then a while later..
we met riana..
yah..=|
then..i turn 2 my rite lar..
saw jing & laura..
almost scream out arh..[actuallie i did larh..later]
was telling riana..
'pray hard tt dey go mobil & dun cum over..'
ha~ then...guess wad..
when dey actuallie press e traffie lite..
i screamed out..lyk siaoz siaoz pplz..=|
e whole bus-stop pplz is lyk looking as me..
tinking i was a freak..[precisely..tt'z wad dey shld b tinkingz..]
yah..
then 111 cum larh..
we r suppose 2 get up larh..but cuz jing get up mah..
then we din get up lorh..
[then i was telling st..'so...we precisely juz missed 1 bus larh..' ha~]
in e end..we went campass pt..[it tt how it shld b spelt?]
then..i went her hse..
& sleep..hahah~
too sick liaoz..then sleep all e way lorh..
reach home onliz at 7++ 2 8..haiz..
[yesterday..]
went 2 sch 4 mathz..
1 1/2 hrz...
toopid larh..can't c i'm sick meh..
=| *dot*dot*dot*
yah..then..went 2 play bball...
wif yunliang..
yah...play & play..
then ps & gc..ask whether dey can play a match wif us..
yah...then tt toopid yl..
go say can..cuz of wad?
cuz she wan 2 play wif gc..[obviously cuz she lyk her larh..]
'hey yl..cann't u c i'm sick???'
hah..i was telling her tt..
yah..then we play larh..so freaking funnie..hahah
i was lyk..scream away..which make my sickness worst..haha..
then i heard gc say..'eh..dey very funnie leh..'..ha~
as usuallie..dey won againz..haiz..
then..went polyclinic..2 c doc..obviously..
so sick..if still dun go c..c how i get kill by my parentz..ha
yah..then went joyce hse..sleep againz..argh..4ever sleepingz..har...
yah..her mom..si bei..nagging..nag & nag & nag at me..
juz bcuz..i'm sick..aiyoz..
yah..then we suppose 2 go & meet zel at lyk 1.30....
but tt toopid joyce..drag e time until lyk 2..
then kanna scold by zel..
ha..~
oh yah..wad happen on e bus...hahah..970 bus..
we met ps..=|
ermz..hahaha..so funnie kae..i was taking photos of her back...lol
tink she noe lorh..cuz can c frm e reflection..haha...
took 3 photos..ha~[of ps..]
but..in e end..we end up in west mall..haha..
cuz zel..jean..& joyce..needa buy thingz..
by then..i was lyk so sick lorh can..dun even haf e mood 2 bake cookies..haha..
then..we went jean hse larh...
dey started 2 bake cookie..[b4 tt..dey were playing e damn piano...which i dun even noe how 2..ARGH..]
then wad was i doin??
taking photos of emz..hahaha..
so funnie kae.
all e suppose cookie turn out 2 b cake..ahha..esp zel's..lol..dunnoe how she bake..until..cake.hahah
but nice noe..then jean's..not bad larh..joyce 1..ermz..okay loh..haha..
then suppose 2 play bball..but jean's dad dun allow her 2 go..
haiz..no choice..stay in her hse rot..ha
then we went home lorh..
i reach home..still..7++ 2 8..hahah..[& i'm sick..remember?]
i slept at..str8 when i reach home..hahha..
[todae..]
wake up at 9+++
cuz mom keep knocking on my door..
juz 2 ask me..whether i'm okay..hah..
then i woke up liaoz lorh..
whole body painz..painz..& painz..
all cuz of yesterday's bball match wif gc...
oh yah..i juz remember sumthing tt happen yesterday..haha
i almost..[or shld i said i actuallie lost it?] lost my cam pouch..
hahah..then i was lyk msging gc..2 ask ps 2 check whether e pouch still on e bus..
hahah..so funnie..then gc called..& said dey found it yah..[i was so happie by then..]
hahaha..thank u gc..thank u ps..yah..=) u r so nice..=)
back 2 todae..yah..
then i was actuallie slping e whole dayz..
even when i was awake..
i'm still half aslp in my mind..yah..
then 4get 2 take medicine in e afternoon..[aiyoz..]
yah..then juz took dinner lorh..& ate my medicine liaoz..yah..
blogging now...[obviously..]
yah...[e toopid 'b' key..so difficult 2 type..]
yah..so damn hot now..dunnoe y..i wan aircon..haha..[all of a sudden..]
waiting..waiting..& waiting..4 everyone..
4 jing..4 my mom...4..dunnoe wad larh..
haiz..but..still waiting 4 jing..yah..
dunnoe y..suppose 2 4get her..
but..couldn't larh..
reallie cann't blame me..=|
tink betta..get off now..yah..=)
needa do my home econ project.yah..=|
jing..i missed u..
jing..i luv u..
jing..wo hao xiang ni..
jing..where r u..
jing..i need u..
jing..u r e onliz one..
jing..i reallie hope..
[we dun end here...]
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
3/20/2003 04:38:00 AM
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
-sick-
everyday also so sick...
but no one precisely juz carez..=|
so..wad e pt of me living in tiz world?
i hate life u noe..
bcuz life is juz so unfair & miserable..
argh..can i juz end it...
[life-sux..]
*cough* *cough*
u c wad i mean?
damn freaking sick..
is tiz wad i deserve?
fine..mayb i deserve tt..
but i believe i deserve betta treatment..=|
argh...hateful worldz..
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
3/19/2003 06:30:00 PM
[still sick..]
[hate myself 4 living in tiz world..]
[i hate 2 b a loner..]
[i hate when tiz toopid worldz blame me 4 everythingz..]
[i hate when everyone is siding her & nt me..]
[i hate when nt one is actually there 4 me..]
[i hate when..i dun get back wad i gif away..]
[i hate when..no 1 understand me..]
[i hate when pplz lied 2 me..]
[i simply hate everyonez & thingz in tiz world..including myself..]
i'm so sick..
but no one carez...
i'm so sick..& stressed...
but no one understandz me..
haf e whole worldz 2 b so cruel 2 me...
y cann't pplz juz understand & carez abt me?
i juz simply hate..when pplz..dun wish 2 tell me e truth..
bcuz..truth..is juz a simple thingz i wan..but..pplz juz refused 2 tell..
izzit so hard 4 pplz 2 understand me?
is dey dun wish 2..
or dey cann't..
i'm surez..
dey actually..dun wish 2..
& nt bcuz dey cann't..
i show my feelingz ard..
yah...but..simple no one wish 2 carez..
wad haf i done tt i deserve all tiz.?
& wad haf she done tt she deserve betta treatment frm pplz than me?
haf pplz 2 side her..?
& no 1 2 actuallie carez abt me?
if tt'z..
wad'z e pt of me living in tiz toopid..freaking..& suxing worldz?
i juz suffer suffer & suffer..
can pplz bcum happier when i suffer?
i juz cann't understand..
[okay..i can say..]
[i can tell everyone wad 2 do..]
[but..i juz simple cann't tell myself 2 do tt..]
[wad..bu yao qing yan fang qi..fou ze dui bu qi zhi ji..]
[ARGH...i wish i can do tt..]
[but..everytimez..i tell myself tiz..]
[e every next moment..]
[she'll crushes all e hopes i haf..]
[mayb..tiz time i shld reallie gif up..]
[cuz..tt'z fate..]
[she crushes all e hopes i've in me..]
[i simple hate life..yah..]
[cuz..life..is playing pplz..]
[playing ard wif me..]
[I HATE LIFE...CUZ IT SUX!]
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
3/19/2003 04:59:00 AM
[she's sick..]
she luv her so much..
but yet..
she get back anithing
is tt wad world is abt?
so freaking unfair hah?
yah..mayb tt'z wad world is abt..
totalli freak..& sux..yah..
todae..got my cam 2 sch..
took lotz of photoz..
including ps' back..ha!
dun even noe if she saw me taking it..hahaha
yah..c when..i will post e photo in my blog.yah.
haha
jean..zel..& joyce r baking their cookie now..yah
din haf mine..
cuz..dun bother 2 bake..
yah..tink gonna take their photos too..haha
yah..i luv..ps..haha
cuz..she juz saved my life..noe..yah..
she found my pouch..hahaha.
cam pouch..hahah
yah...when we were up on e bus wif her..
i bet..she found it quite funnie though..yah..
then haf tiz super funnie look when we get down..
ermz..super funnie..hahah...
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
3/19/2003 12:36:00 AM
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
*sick*
*sick*
*sick*
dun even lyk goin' back..argh..toopid..
yesterday..teach 1/2 hr onliz..then go away..
todae..haf 2 stay 4 1 1/2 hrz..
toopid larh u..
cann't u c i'm
SICK?
dun care rite..
who cares either...
get tt toopid dunnoe wad fei yan..
then can die..then no need face tiz..UNFAIR & TOOPID worldz..
everydayz..everyonez..
will tell me unfair thingz..
thingz lyk..argh..
but..truth is..
I DIN DO ANITHING..
yet..all pplz...say all toopid unfair thingz 2 me..[f***]
yah..rite..
u feel suffocated rite..
tink of me larh..
u tink i feeling very gd izzit?
getting all e toopid scoldingz by urs frenz..
yah..i'm feelingz SO gd kae..
i'm too suffocated by all tiz kae.
haf i 2 carry all tiz blame away by myself..
yah..i've..
yah..if it's my blog which make u so suffocated...
yah..i noe wad i will do.
i will..change my blog webbie..
& u will
NEVER gonna find out wad it's..
happie? yah..i hope u do jing..ARGH!
[haf pplz 2 treat me so unfairly in tiz world]
[y haf pplz 2 blame everything on me]
[am i e onliz 1 tt u can blame]
[i din every do anithingz...]
[& all blamez r on me...]
[y is tiz world so unfair]
[i hate life]
[*she hates life..& ended it*]
[i hate being a loner]
[*she's afraid being alone..she ended it..*]
[i hate when life is unfair..]
[*she ended it bcuz it's unfair.]
-who can bring her back? no one..-
u will b e last..& u r e last...i swear..=|
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
3/18/2003 02:34:00 PM
Monday, March 17, 2003
*sick*
getting e dunnoe wad sickness...=| fei dian xing fei yan...yah..=|
idiotic..bad sore throat...cough & cough..=|
=| argh..hate myself..=| hopefullie..i dun get tt toopid sickness../disease..
todae still needa go back 4 maths lesson..
damn..idiotic..& toopid can..=|
dun even noe whether i'm goin' back..or go 2 c doc..
haf life 2 b so unfair?
when i dun do anithingz..
i'm still pressurizing her..
when i do..
i'm suffocating her..
wad u expect me 2 do?
i've..already..tried my very best..
i din do anithing 2 her.
y r pplz still saying tt i'm suffocating her?
I DIN PPLZ!
I'M NT PRESSURIZING HER!
ARGH...
plz pplz..
yesterday..wad did i do 2 her?
i juz msg..nth else...
i nv even say anithing 2 her..
tiz wad u call pressurize & suffocate?
then wad u expect frm me?
i'm already..so sick..
i'm tinking i'm e one being suffocated..
pplz..tell me?
in wad way..in which way did i actuallie make her so..
pressurized & suffocated?
everything now is fine wif me..
i din do anithing..
& nt goin' 2 do anithingz..
jing..listen here..
i'm nt doin' animore thingz abt u..
i'm nt..contacting u animore..
i'll..juz nt haf anithing...2 do wif u animore..
pplz..r u happie now..
jing..r u happie now?
now..dun ever get in my life animore..
*i hate myself being so silly..*
*she killed herself..2 release all tiz stress..*
*i hate my life...being so stressful..*
*she cut herself bcuz of tt..*
*i hate myself being a loner..*
*she's so isolated....she cut herself..*
-she ended her life..bcuz of all tiz...-
[pplz..dun get in her life animore..dun stress her up..dun blame her 4 everythingz..dun..plz dun...]
[pplz..dun add more wounds in her heart..dun rub salt on her wounds..]
[pplz..non of her wounds r healed completely..plz..dun b so cruel..]
[pplz..dun make her cut herself animore..she cann't take it..]
[pplz..dun blame everything on her..& make her collapse..]
[pplz..she'll nv able 2 get up if she collapse..]
[pplz..dun make her end her own life..]
[pplz..yah..plz dun..]
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
3/17/2003 04:07:00 PM
yah..how nice..
u finallie landed..yah...finallie..
how much i've missed during e last few dayz..
finallie..i'm able 2 chat wif u..
yah..but..bet u r too tired 2 type all e msg..
yah..nvm..at least..u r in sg now..
at least..i noe..i'm able 2 contact u..yah..
*miz ya loadz..*
how accurate i'm..
yah..juz u had landed..
i msg u..
yah..mayb..yah..heck..dun wish 2 say..
bet u r aslp now..
hah..u alwayz haf tiz habit..
suddenly juz fell aslp msging pplz..
make pplz so worry..yah..
hah..nvm...at least..i noe..=) u r back!
u noe..e moment..i knew tt u r back..
how happie i'm...
i feel lyk screaming out..
so happie..yah..
=) *but having a super bad sore-throat..*
nvm..still happie..hahah..
yah...take care kae..?
[do u haf a prezzie 4 me? hope so..i'll treasure it..very much..very very very very much..]
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
3/17/2003 03:32:00 AM
*can't get u out my mind*
*everything juz remind me of u..*
*every single thingz in tiz world..*
*when i'm alone.*
*by myself...*
*i'll..tink of u..*
*i dunnoe wad 2 say..reallie..*
*u juz screwed up my life*
*even if u r nt in sg*
*still..u screwed me up*
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
3/17/2003 02:34:00 AM
Sunday, March 16, 2003
i kept myself very buzi..
such tt i my mind wun nt remind of u..
yah..
i kept myself so buzi..
tt i fell aslp..
but..in my dream..
there will alwayz b u..
still..it remind me of u..
yah..
how..how can i juz get over u?
when i woke up..
still..remind of u..
cuz..i felt lonely..
still u...tt filled up my life..=|
u noe...i rather off my hp..
then wasting my batt...
cuz..i noe..
either of my cardz will haf ani msg..or calls..
cuz..u r nt in sg..
how can there b msg or calls?
my hp..is juz lyk..4 u..
i dunnoe..
when u r nt in sg..
my hp..r totally..unless..yah..
i switch my hp 2 silent..
even if there's msg..or calls..
i dun wish 2 pick up..
dun wish 2 c..
i juz wish 2 pick up urs calls..
urs msg..
but i noe..tt day..will nv cum..yah..
bcuz..i noe..u wun...ever call me..againz..=|
i juz..figure out..sumthing tt is quite cruel todae..
u r onliz cuming back on tue..
yah..
& u r goin off 2 malaysia at wed..
yah..
u will b totally nt in sg 4 tiz whole wk..
tiz wk..is e hardest wk...
hardest holiz..
i've ever been thru..
wad can i do 2 lower down tiz..
i noe..i can do nth..
cuz u r e onliz one..
tt can turn my life..upside down..or uprite..
but...u refused 2 turn it back..
well..i cann't do anithingz..
yah..
<= Fr0zen* Tears* =>
3/16/2003 07:17:00 AM
